Hello Prayer Warriors!
I receive an email from a reader yesterday. I have received permission to share with you some of her email as well as my response. I think we have all been here at one time or another. Let us come together and pray over this courageous woman who wants so badly to commit to be the wife that God wants her to be. Lord, help her. Give her the compassion she needs. Fill her heart with love and kindness. Let her see the good in her marriage. We love her, Lord, and need your help. In Your glorious name, Amen.
From reader…I liked your blog about forgiveness and about honoring your man, but how do you do that…..
I have a huge problem of having built up resentment and holding a grudge and in turn not offering complete forgiveness. How do you do it?? I pray for God to help me, I pray that he will help me forgive and let go of resentment, but it is still there and seems like it will never go away, no matter how hard I pray for it. You amaze me….. How do you just let that go, pretend it never happened and not hold a grudge or resentment? I really envy you that you are able to do that.
I love this part…………”I have to remember to be patient with him. To put aside my high expectations of how a perfect husband would lead his family spiritually, or behave socially, or perform financially. I must keep my hope in God, not in my man. Then I will not be disappointed.”
How do you do that when you feel like your hopes, dreams, expectations of the kind of husband/father for your kids you want and need fall so short of what you actually have?
And then this…..”I also have to remember my words and actions can help to construct a secure husband.” I do know that mentally, but how do you actually go about doing that when they are letting you down all the time, how do you build them up and be encouraging to them when they continually disappoint you with their actions and behaviors????? How do you just swallow that, let it go, and be positive? I know the answer is prayer and I have prayed till I am blue in the face, but when it comes time to be nice and encouraging and loving, I just can’t.
Maybe my expectations are too high, maybe I’m not forgiving enough, maybe I am too prideful, I don’t know the answer, but I do know I want to be more like you. I want a forgiving heart, I want to say, I love the one God has chose for me, I get teary eyed EVERY time I read your blog, seriously every single one has made me emotional, I’m not sure why, I think God is working on me, thru your words, because every day your blogs pertain to something I have been praying about and not seeming to be able to hear an answer.
Your blogs have helped me and you have some very wise words, so I was just hoping you could give me some advice. And I read your blogs and I know what I should do (be forgiving, respect his authority, show love and kindness, honor him, and encourage him) but it is so much easier said than done.
My response….I am really glad that my words are helping you but you see they are helping me too. They make me accountable for my actions. I'm putting my thoughts and beliefs out there for the world to see.
I decided a long time ago, (for lack of a better phrase), that I have made my bed, and so now I'll lie in it. Now, I don't mean that in its most extreme way. I love Josh. I always have. Even when he has hurt me. I will not give up on him or us. But God has a plan for us. I believe that and its keeps me going. I also believe that God will reward us for sticking through thick and thin, and being married to the end of our days.
Again, it’s my faith in God, not Josh. I'm not perfect, Josh isn't perfect, and my children aren't perfect. But we work together (most of the time) beautifully.
Forgiveness is just something I give God. I just let it go. I refuse to not think about "whatever" anymore. Sure, the devils tries to sneak thoughts or "what ifs" into my head but I won’t let him. I know it’s him and that makes it even easier to ignore. It took me a long time to get here too. I can’t say it was easy. I work hard for my marriage. And sometimes it is very one sided. But again, I will be rewarded someday.
My one suggestion would be to bite your tongue. When he is being offensive don't say anything. Your silence is sometimes all it takes for him to ask, "What’s wrong?" By then you are probably calm enough to speak to him respectfully. Telling him that he has hurt you by his actions is like a knife in the gut sometimes. He loves you and wouldn't want to hurt you for anything.
These are my personal thoughts. I’m no marriage counselor, and my marriage has been and is far from perfect. But I work with what I have and enjoy what I have. I think being grateful goes along with being respectful. And being respectful goes along with being forgiving. I hope these words help a little and I will pray for you.
Does anyone else have any words of wisdom?